It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
