Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
