Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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