I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize