girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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