Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
