He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
