I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you win again, gameday.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
