How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
