I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
