it wasn't lemon gatorade
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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