New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There are leaves in my underwear?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize