We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
