Where did you get a picture of my penis
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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