I'm pants shitting drunk right now
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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