Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
