Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Pooping to opera.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
