I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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