I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
