Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Randomize
