It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
