the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
