I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
