you guys were way drunker than both of me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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