Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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