just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
