I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
where are my eyebrows?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
