I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
