Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
