i jhust puked up my retainher.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
