homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
