Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
