Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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