White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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