so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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