I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
