It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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