drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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