you didnt know i had herpes?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
