Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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