"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
