Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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