Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
