OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
