his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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