I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Panties = found
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
