I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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