It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
