My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
