I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
smell my finger.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
