My cat gives me a boner
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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