Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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