I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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