well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
