the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
