it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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