you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
