if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
