How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
