I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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