i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
