would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize