I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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