We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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