Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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