hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm getting married
To pizza
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
