He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
